The Last Straw Pt. 2
I was born with hip dysplasia. I had no idea – which is not uncommon. Many people have no idea until they reach their 40s and start having pain. My pain started much earlier, but I chalked it up to my motorcycle accident and ignored it. I ignored it through 20+ years of hiking, skiing, biking, swimming and running, including several half-marathons and a full marathon. The damage is done. I have the dysplasia and torn labrums in both hips, but the right hip is far worse and needs something done soon. This was the last straw. I sat in disbelief while the doctor showed Bryan and me the Xrays and MRI. He explained that it has caused my labrum to enlarge – it’s 4 times longer than it should be and is almost fully detached from my hip socket. He showed us the bone overgrowth causing impingement and the articular cartilage damage. He gave me a few options – a hip scope, where he would try to reattach the labrum, shave off extra bone and try microfracture – drilling tiny holes into the bone to release bone marrow – to patch the articular cartilage damage. The recovery is long; six weeks non-weight bearing, then physical therapy and six months before I return to “normal” activities. AND there are no guarantees that I wouldn’t need the next option within a few years. My next option was a total hip replacement. And last, a cortisone injection to see how long I would get pain relief and give me time to weigh the other options. I scheduled the cortisone injection and left in a daze.
I have since been to another hip specialist at the Steadman Hawkins clinic in Denver. On the drive down, I was second guessing my decision to seek another opinion. Second guessing myself if one of my favorite pastimes…ugh. I asked Bryan if I was exaggerating (in my head) what the first doctor told us. He was very reassuring that I was doing the right thing. Once again, I sat in disbelief as another doctor walked us through the MRI, xrays and options. This doctor gave us a little more information – he pointed out some damage from the femur break and subsequent surgeries and gave me a third surgical option, a periacetabular osteotomy (PAO). The surgeon basically cuts the hip joint free of the pelvis and adjusts the angle, then reattaches it with several 5-6 inch screws. (If you are interested, here’s an animated video showing how it’s done https://hipdysplasia.org/adult-hip-dysplasia/adult-treatments/hip-preservation-surgery-for-adult-hip-dysplasia/). This surgery is typically done on a much younger patient, but he said I might be a good candidate, given that I enjoy being so active. To give us a little more information on which surgery is the best choice, he ordered a 3D CT scan. I am currently waiting for my insurance to approve this.
Do not get me wrong. I KNOW that what I’ve been through in the past two and a half years is not the worst. I know there are so many who have endured much, much worse. I know that I am whining right now and I absolutely HATE that. But this is real. I don’t get why this is all piling on and I feel broken. I am no longer mad at God. Instead, and I am not proud to admit this, I have been questioning His existence altogether. From my earliest memories, I have been so active. I have loved sports, outdoor activities and pushing my body to its limits. I love being fit and doing things others can’t or won’t even try to do. Why me? Why all of this? I have a lot of questions but no answers.
P.S. I’m not giving up yet. If there’s one thing I DO know, it’s that when we question our faith, the worst possible thing we can do is turn away. I’m doing my best to lean into it rather than away. But I am here admitting that it is HARD. It is hard to believe and trust when life around us seems so unfair…and not just to me but to so many. And this is why I’m sharing. It is because I know there are many of you out there with your own struggles, your own hardships, your own questions and I want you to know that you are not alone.
