Me, Running and God 2.0
It’s fine, I ran today. It hurt a little but it also felt AMAZING. I ran a 5k last Saturday. It hurt a LOT, and it felt AMAZING. I am attempting to make running a regular part of my life again. I have my rheumatologist’s blessing in trying. It’s not going as well as I’d like, but I’m not giving up. I have an appointment next week to discuss my goals and treatment options I’ve been avoiding up until now. I am contemplating additional medications to combat some new symptoms and maybe help with my goal to run. I’ll let you know how it goes.
In the meantime, below you will find the transcript of a talk I gave in church in June of 2010. Many people think I should give up running. I am bone on bone in one knee and running will, no doubt, speed up the need for a replacement. But running is part of who I am and for the past 2 ½ years, not running has done more damage than running ever will. So this talk is the best explanation I have as to why I just can’t stop running….yet.
“On September 12 of last year, I ran a marathon. A few weeks later, after learning about my background, Pastor Upton asked me if I would mind sharing my story with you. I am definitely not a public speaker, but because I feel strongly about God’s influence in my life, I agreed. In the months since then…nearly nine months, pastor has gently reminded me several times about agreeing to speak and waited patiently for me to commit to a specific day. I just realized that nearly every time pastor reminded me, my family missed the following Sunday’s service. Pastor, I promise, I wasn’t avoiding you or staying home to avoid speaking.
Running a marathon is a big deal. A marathon, for those of you who are wondering, is 26.2 miles. For me, running a marathon was HUGE. When I was 14 years old, doctors were not sure that I would ever walk again. They were not sure I would even keep my left foot.
I was in a motorcycle accident. My friend and I were riding her motorcycle from my house to hers. She was obviously breaking the law riding it on the streets at 13 without a license. I had been forbidden by my parents to ride on the back of her bike. But I was 14 and didn’t think anything could happen to me. I was on a bad path in my life. Riding that motorcycle was one of the least dangerous and stupid things I was doing back then. A car pulled out in front of us and as we tried to go around it, the back tire hit gravel and slid right into the car. My right leg was smashed between the car and the motorcycle. I flew off the bike and landed 52 feet away…on my feet. I was not wearing a helmet, but there was not a scratch on my head. That was the first miracle. My legs, however, were badly injured. My right leg was broken in four places, including a compound fracture. My left ankle was dislocated and a bone in that ankle was crushed. My friend, by the way, had some road rash on her elbow and a sprained ankle. She was wearing a helmet which was a good thing, because her helmet skidded across the pavement.
Before this accident, I was all about sports…gymnastics, track and, especially, basketball. Basketball was my life. I was the kid playing in the middle of the night on a dirt court in my backyard with a flashlight shining on the hoop. I loved it and I dreamed of playing high school and college ball.
The surgery to put my ankle and leg back together took 7 ½ hours. I was in the hospital for just over four weeks. I had x-rays taken of my ankle every other day. I never really understood what the doctor was looking at until one day when he saw the films and jumped up and down. I still remember his exact words, he said, “that ankle is throwing up calcium like crazy, thank God!” That was the second miracle, and it was also when I found out how serious my ankle injury had been. My doctor said that until that day, he didn’t think he had saved my foot. The bone that I crushed, that they pieced together with pins and screws is extremely prone to necrosis. If that happens, it is most often amputated. At the time, I was sort of an experiment. My doctor told me if I hadn’t been so young, they would not have even tried the surgery, they would have just taken the foot. I was in a wheelchair for two months and in a non-weight bearing brace for another nine months. Doctors told me about how lucky I was to be alive, about how lucky I was to keep my foot and to forget about sports, especially basketball.
Before I go on, I have to tell you that I did not grow up going to church. My parents went to church for weddings and funerals. Still, I did believe in God and the day I had the accident, I was wearing a silver cross necklace. (I cannot remember where I got that necklace.) When doctors told me I wouldn’t be able to play sports, I was beyond crushed. At first I was thankful to God that I was alive, but I became depressed and didn’t know what I would do without sports. Now it seems silly, but I felt like my life may as well be over if I couldn’t play basketball. Several times, I told my mom I wished that I had died that day.
I had three more surgeries before I turned 21. I did try to play basketball my sophomore year of high school, but the doctors were right, basketball was too much. High school was hard, watching my friends play all the sports I loved. I couldn’t even hang out with the same crowd because it was too hard to watch them. I made different friends. I met Bryan. I grew up faster than most of my friends and I came to realize that my “accident” wasn’t an accident at all. I truly believe it was a course correction. I was on a self-destructive path and God gave me a detour. I am so thankful that He did! I don’t ever wish that it didn’t happen. It saved my life. I also think that it was a miracle that I survived that accident in the first place. No helmet, I flew 52 feet and landed on my feet. Not a coincidence, not luck, it was a miracle.
I started running again in 1997 after Brandon was born. I was out for a walk and decided I was going to run. It just hit me one day to try. I ran, only about a quarter of a mile, but it felt good. I went home and told Bryan, “Guess what I did today? I ran”. It was a turning point. That was about the same time that Bryan and I started attending church regularly, again no coincidence. God gave me faith and hope. I slowly added distance. I ran to stay in shape. I ran to stay sane.
In 2005, Bryan was deployed to Iraq for a second time. The first one we had seen coming, but this time we were blindsided. For whatever reason, I had a really bad feeling about this second deployment. I knew I had to be strong for my kids and for Bryan. I continued to be active in our church, I volunteered at the school and I ran. I ran 6-10 miles a day 5-6 days a week. I did a lot of praying on those runs. It kept me strong mentally, spiritually and physically.
As you see, Bryan made it home from Iraq. I thank God every day for that. For a couple of years, Bryan and I both talked about running a marathon. The conversation was always the same we both felt the same…I wish I could run a marathon, but the training would kill me.
Then I met Kayla, a friend, here in Tooele who runs. She convinced me to run a half marathon. She said, “If you can run ten miles, you can run 13.” So I went home to Bryan and said, “I am going to train for a half marathon.” I showed him my training plan and he said, “I can do that, let’s do it together.” “Together” is not exactly the right word. I run about a minute per mile slower than he does. I also run alone… well, not ALONE, I run with God. Yep, God is my running partner. I know that He is with me every step I take. I could not do it without Him.
I ran the Salt Lake City half marathon on April 18, of last year. The training was difficult, but not impossible and finishing that race was one of the best feelings I have ever had. I watched as the marathoners finished and I teared up many times seeing their faces as they crossed the finish line. I turned to Bryan and said, “I am going to do that” and he said, “So am I.”
Training for a marathon felt like a full time job. We ran close to twenty miles during the week then ran a long run on Saturdays that ranged from 10 at the beginning of the training to 21 miles near the end of the training. It really took a toll on my body. One week I had severe calf pain that sidelined me for about 10 days, next were the blisters. I have never seen blisters so big. Closer to the end of the training, my hip gave me a lot of trouble. I was used to my ankle hurting, but with every new pain or problem, I wondered if I was ignoring signs from God that I should stop. I thought about it and prayed about it and decided that God would have to be a little less subtle with me if he wanted me to not run the marathon, because I am stubborn when it comes to someone telling me I can’t do something.
Then came our last long run of the training. It was a twenty mile run and as we got started, a huge lightning storm rolled in. I know I said that He’d have to be less subtle, but I wasn’t expecting lightning. I was scared, but I kept running. The lightning was literally all around me. Every time I saw a bolt, I ran faster and prayed faster. It was raining too, not pouring, but a nice steady rain. It was probably the best run of my entire life.
On September 12th I finished the marathon. I injured my knee and had to walk much of the last 5 miles, but I finished it. I can’t say that it was the best feeling ever, I was in too much pain. But along the way, I never once doubted that I would finish. I knew that God had gotten me through all of the pain and obstacles to get me there and I knew He would get me through the 26.2 miles that day.
So, what was the point of me sharing my story with you? You may want to ask Pastor that question. I wanted to share it because there are some things I’ve learned through this experience that might help you with a struggle in your life.
1) You are here for a reason. We all are.
2) God has a plan. The things that happen in our life are part of the plan. We may not be able to see the reason, because we don’t see the big picture, but God does.
3) Pray, but remember to listen for the answer. Sometimes we think a prayer has not been answered but it may be answered in a way you aren’t looking for.
4) God doesn’t give you any circumstance that He won’t help you through. Trust in Him and have faith.
5) Long after you think you can go no further, you can.
I said the same thing after running a marathon that I said after giving birth to Kirsten, my first child, “I will NEVER do that again!” But I did go on to have another child, Brandon. I think maybe I have one more marathon in me….God willing.”
2018: I know that another marathon is not in my future. I simply could not train like that again with the advancement of my osteoarthritis and the onset of Rheumatoid Arthritis. I do want to keep running, though, for all the reasons I alluded to in this talk. I feel close to God when I run. It keeps me sane and it makes me feel happy and strong. I’m not sure there is a better feeling in the world…at least to me.
